To Texas and Back Again

Russ and I got back late last night from an eventful weekend in Waco and Austin, Texas. We flew out on Friday to join in the wedding festivities of his cousin Megan, who is the daughter of his mother's brother Leland. Having never known Russ's mother, it is touching to know something of her by being with her side of the family.

We met up with Russ's dad, stepmom, and sister. So aside from spending quite a bit of time with my in-laws which is a valuable learning experience in itself, we ate lots of tex-mex, drank a Dr. Pepper float at the Dr. Pepper musuem(Waco is the home of Dr. Pepper), experienced severe frustration at the ridiculousness of Waco's access roads, drank margaritas at Ninfas in Waco which we later found out from Annie P., our friend who lived in Waco while attending seminary, are actually Ninfa-ritas, a special drink which is especially strong, which explains why I was over the toilet after drinking TWO!

The wedding and reception were fun. I was able to cut loose on the dance floor, to which I had several people say that if they were giving out prizes for dancing, I would get first place. Thank you so very much. Yes, if there is anything I can do, it is cut a rug. And Russ LOVES to show me off in that realm.

Sunday was super cool when we got to spend the day in Austin and meet up with our friend Ann, the same Annie P. who was referenced ealier, who I would say has a really cool blog to read, but the only people who read mine are the ones who read hers. Anyhoo, Thanks Ann, for taking time out of your busy Sunday as a pastor and sacrificing your precious sermon-writing time to take us for a couple of mojitos(another drink, but not as strong as the ninfa-ritas) at Guero's.

Russ and I walked around downtown Austin(my new favorite town) and had coffee at "Little City," a unique coffee house, NOT Starbucks. We sat outside and enjoyed the perfect weather in Austin, watching artsy folk walk by.

We walked into a hat store where the salesperson about talked us into an $80 authentic Ecuadorian hat, which is the first hat that has EVER looked good on Russ. She told us it would be good for jazz concerts and with a white linen suit. And although Russ and I are always going to jazz concerts with him dressed in a white linen suit(Uhh, yeah right!) we decided we would rather have food to eat than to have him look good in a hat from Ecuador.

Although we were to wait for Ann's call to meet up with us around 1:30pm, we happened to walk right by her church. Very cool coincidence. And that is when she took us to South Congress street where we ate at Guero's, and walked the strip browsing the cool shops of art, vintage items, and a really awesome store of Mexican art, religious icons, and beautiful rosaries, one of which I bought and used as a tool for meditation this morning. Now don't worry, I wasn't praying to Mary, only using it to help me focus in meditating on Christ and his merciful work on the cross.

And hating to end this story on a bad note, our flight back was late and horrendous. Being tired already, we got on a tiny plane in Dallas on which was the MEANEST, NASTIEST flight attendant you have ever met who wouldn't even let us stay in the aisles long enough to put our bags in the overhead compartments, who said, "Please get out of the aisles so people can board, I will help you with your bags once everyone is on board," only to be pissed when she had people still with bags to be situated. She copped an attitude when Russ asked her to throw away a styrofoam to-go box we had, and would not put it in her trash bag, sighed, and walked all the way to the back of the plane to throw it away. Then, later, when Russ got up to go to the bathroom, she said(yes, the flight attendant) "Ummm, I am waiting to use the restroom TOO," and would not let Russ by to go to the bathroom. Russ NEVER got to go use the restroom. She also yelled at another passenger about his palm pilot and stood over his head until he shut it off. OKAY PSYCHO!

The air conditioner was barely working. I was claustrophobic. The ride was bumpy the whole way. Russ thought the blinking light on the wing was lightning and gave me a panic attack by saying we were flying through a thunderstorm, and my ears got so clogged, my head felt like it would explode, and when we landed we had to walk across the tarmack and go in through what seemed to be the basement of the airport only to have to walk up a bunch of stairs. THAT is what our money payed for. Jeez.

So I tried to remember that the world does not revolve around me, that I can't always have everything MY WAY, and "Sh** happens," which seems to be so basic, but is a great and helpful motto to adopt to cope with life. It is Russ and I's new thing lately.

And tomorrow I start my new job, where I am sure more sh** will happen, but it's money and I will try to do my work as unto the Lord.

Two Cuties

Dynamics of a Spiritual Life

Last week was an amazing one. I took a class at Gordon called Dynamics of a Spiritual Life . This was my first class taught by a woman, Dr. Gwenfair Adams, an amazing professor of Church History, and although this was not a class directly on Church History, she incorporated elements of it into her lessons. This was an incredible experience. Dr. Adams made the entire week(because we were in class Mon-Fri from 9-4:30)exciting and alive and profound, with media and visual aids and a theme of "Wars and Weddings" running through the week. It was almost like a spiritual retreat!

One of the biggest discussions we engaged in was how we are part of God's great creation-redemption story, the meta-narrative, and how we also have our own smaller stories, in which we are the protaganist on a quest to know and glorify God. And every good story must have opposition and we talked of suffering and forms of opposition which can also include much of the unneccesary suffering we inflict upon ourselves.

So suffering has been on my mind, and most of mine has been of the unneccessary sort, and I have been thinking a lot about how cushy my Christian life is. Would I be able to withstand the suffering I have only heard stories about, of persecutions, of violence, of disease? And can my two month stint of unemployment really compare? What suffering will God allow in my life as it progresses?

And as I have pondered all this, I have gotten phone calls this week of suffering, of a friend who had a miscarriage, another family friend in a skiing accident who broke his back, and my sister finally surrendering to her endometriosis and undergoing a hysterectomy at 38 years old, and at the same time surrending to God her longing to birth a third child.

And all this reminds me of a woman I heard speak who was exposed to toxins during a horrible accident in her new home of three days when it was being treated for termites. This one incident cost her her health, her financial security, her sanity.

"But God..." she said.

But God, she explained to us, took into His hand what was meant for evil and her demise, and helped her surrender the pain and the situation to Him. And as she planted it in His soil, she was able to watch Him grow it into something beautiful and redemptive and good.

Please God grow something beautiful and good and redemptive out of my friend's miscarriage, my family friend's broken back, and my sister's hysterectomy.

Redeem, O Lord.

My week

Okay so I am feeling the pressure to post something to my blog, but my week has been filled with the less-than-thrilling grunt work of job and internship seeking. So I haven't felt the creative urge.

But I must share the exciting news to the five people that read this that I am officially employed!!

Not gloriously employed, but grad-student, part-time, I-will-do-anything-to-make-an extra-buck-real-fast employed, with super-flexible, so-flexible-they-could-be mistaken-for-gymnastics kind of hours.

So it's perfect. I will be housecleaning as an independent contractor with a local company here in Charlotte, and I am thrilled to do this kind of labor that doesn't take much thought, or many people to talk to. I love it.

And....I am about to seal the deal(but nothing official yet) on my first, AND SECOND practicum in the field of counseling. And these will take a lot of thought and much more talking to people. More about that soon I hope....

So that's my week, and I don't have much more to say except that God has really spoken to me about my constant worry and fretting which always seems to occur in the wee hours of the morning, and how it is all for not, and he has led me to read the last part of Matthew 6 over and over again this week. I am such a control freak and I don't deal well with uncertainty. But to really trust God and experience freedom, we must embrace the chaos of our lives and the darkness of uncertainty. We must just sit still and accept it. We can deal. We can deal with not-knowing, not-knowing what's next, not-knowing the path to fulfill how we know he has called us, and not-knowing how he will meet our needs from day to day. We can deal because the Father knows everything. Us---Not-knowing. Him---All-knowing.

Why I sweat it out in the quiet parameters of my bedroom, I don't know, because it won't add a single hour to my life. The Word says tomorrow will worry about itself, and in response I ask, "Well, Lord, now that is just not very practical, How will one plan for tommorrow, if they only worry about today?" And the Lord is still teaching me the difference between planful concern and being a friggin' worry wart!

And the moments of peace and serenity I experience in his presence are like opening a window to let me soul breathe. And it's quiet for a minute and it's freedom. Thank you Lord.

#1 THANG

God has started out my 2006 with a bang! This has been an incredible week of clinging to God. First, Russ and I came back from Missouri refreshed and renewed. Thanks family for loving us and letting us spend some time with you!

After adjusting to the starkness of reality upon our arrival back in Charlotte, Russ and I were pretty concerned about finances and weren't quite sure how we would pay our rent and bills at the first of January. The day we arrived home we got an unexpected $600 dollars in the mail!!! Woowee! We spent that evening praising El Shaddai, our All- Sufficient One for his care for us in the most practical way.

And I immediately went back to job-hunting and internship-seeking, and having a mini-crisis every day over my professional life and wondering if I really will make it to Summer Ward, Masters of Christian Counseling, LPC, before we go broke or become pregnant:-) And Russ says we will catch a break, and my break this week was my heavenly Father.

He gives me peace and strength, and as I sought him this Sabbath day I was reminded of how He wants first place in my heart and that my job titles and professional credentials hold no eternal value, and as I seek him as my #1 THANG (as pastor David says), all these THANGS will be added as well.

Glory. Hallelujah.

A Year of Loving

I know most of you have probably already reminisced about 2005 and processed your year and moved on to 2006, but I haven't quite made it there yet, mostly because I don't want to face the daunting and overwhelming tasks that lay ahead, like finding a job so I no longer have to be on unemployment, AND a counseling internship so I can graduate.

But I find it important to know where you've been, so you can be more clear about where you're headed. Well, truth be told, I don't know if examining the past helps you become more clear, but it sure sounds good and it keeps me nice and distracted so I don't have to worry about the future.

So in 2005, I discovered a song I love from the Rent Soundtrack, and it has provided inspiration as I consider my 2005.

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love."
--Seasons of Love from the Broadway Musical Rent


So I decided to measure my 2005 in units of love. As I think over this year I know I loved more than I ever have. I have never loved an animal more than I love Isabel(a Cocker mix) and with all the cuddling and affection we have shared, I never thought I'd have room in my love for another dog until we adopted Rocky(a shepherd/chow mix) on Mother's Day. And Russ put love he held for his mother in the love he gave to this dog the day we saw his sappy face in the shelter. His mother loved German Shepherds and had two before she died.

And Love for Russ is so strong it hurts and we loved this year as we shared sessions with a counselor and we learned each other's personalities and how to love the differences. And we learned to fight with love, and to love loving and the reality of marriage, not the idealistic fantasy. And we loved each other on our trip to Troy, NC where we relaxed in a Bed and Breakfast and hiked the Uharrie forest.

And I loved my friends Maria and Kevin as I stood with them on their wedding day. I loved God for marriage and loved Maria and Kevin for who they are together and loved the memory of my wedding day and the inspiration and strength I get at every wedding.

And I loved learning about Family Systems theory and triangulation, and my theology class with Dr. White who moved me to tears in his depictions of Jesus and how much he loves us and how he will stand up on my behalf one day and say, "She's mine!"

And I grew in loving my father-in-law and his wife as we shared a few drinks, some laughs, and some oysters down at the beach.

And as God called me out to lead a team of women at church, I grew to love these ladies and their hearts for God and their vulnerability and their authenticity and their pouring out into the lives of other women who want to know more of the heart of God. I loved putting all my trust in the Lord as I felt the most inadequate I have ever felt. Leading leaders, giving godly counsel, praying aloud OFTEN, giving talks. I loved the feeling that this isn't about me, or about accomplishment, but about God and His Love and Faithfulness.

And I even loved through the tears as I said goodbye to my SouthCare Therapy friends at the end of our run. We shared many jokes, and fun, and making fun of some those crazy people we tried to help.

And I loved Garden State and March of the Pequins and the raw love found in them both.

And mostly I loved God in the best way I could, not nearly the way He loves me, but we love because he first loved us and that's okay.