A Year of Loving

I know most of you have probably already reminisced about 2005 and processed your year and moved on to 2006, but I haven't quite made it there yet, mostly because I don't want to face the daunting and overwhelming tasks that lay ahead, like finding a job so I no longer have to be on unemployment, AND a counseling internship so I can graduate.

But I find it important to know where you've been, so you can be more clear about where you're headed. Well, truth be told, I don't know if examining the past helps you become more clear, but it sure sounds good and it keeps me nice and distracted so I don't have to worry about the future.

So in 2005, I discovered a song I love from the Rent Soundtrack, and it has provided inspiration as I consider my 2005.

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love."
--Seasons of Love from the Broadway Musical Rent


So I decided to measure my 2005 in units of love. As I think over this year I know I loved more than I ever have. I have never loved an animal more than I love Isabel(a Cocker mix) and with all the cuddling and affection we have shared, I never thought I'd have room in my love for another dog until we adopted Rocky(a shepherd/chow mix) on Mother's Day. And Russ put love he held for his mother in the love he gave to this dog the day we saw his sappy face in the shelter. His mother loved German Shepherds and had two before she died.

And Love for Russ is so strong it hurts and we loved this year as we shared sessions with a counselor and we learned each other's personalities and how to love the differences. And we learned to fight with love, and to love loving and the reality of marriage, not the idealistic fantasy. And we loved each other on our trip to Troy, NC where we relaxed in a Bed and Breakfast and hiked the Uharrie forest.

And I loved my friends Maria and Kevin as I stood with them on their wedding day. I loved God for marriage and loved Maria and Kevin for who they are together and loved the memory of my wedding day and the inspiration and strength I get at every wedding.

And I loved learning about Family Systems theory and triangulation, and my theology class with Dr. White who moved me to tears in his depictions of Jesus and how much he loves us and how he will stand up on my behalf one day and say, "She's mine!"

And I grew in loving my father-in-law and his wife as we shared a few drinks, some laughs, and some oysters down at the beach.

And as God called me out to lead a team of women at church, I grew to love these ladies and their hearts for God and their vulnerability and their authenticity and their pouring out into the lives of other women who want to know more of the heart of God. I loved putting all my trust in the Lord as I felt the most inadequate I have ever felt. Leading leaders, giving godly counsel, praying aloud OFTEN, giving talks. I loved the feeling that this isn't about me, or about accomplishment, but about God and His Love and Faithfulness.

And I even loved through the tears as I said goodbye to my SouthCare Therapy friends at the end of our run. We shared many jokes, and fun, and making fun of some those crazy people we tried to help.

And I loved Garden State and March of the Pequins and the raw love found in them both.

And mostly I loved God in the best way I could, not nearly the way He loves me, but we love because he first loved us and that's okay.