Today was the last day of my first field experience in counseling. There will never be this "first" again.

And two days ago you could have sniffed out that I was coming to the end of something and the beginning of something else when I chopped off my hair.

Because we all know hair is not just hair. Hair is always about something deeper.

So I said goodbye to my friends at PSCC today, and wondered, how do you adequately thank people who have sacrificed their time and expertise for absolutely nothing but to invest in me and my future work as a clinician.

Well, you do the best you can. And I did.

It didn't seem like enough.

So, I'm a lucky girl.

I'm a lucky girl even though I've been whining lately that I'm tired of always feeling so inexperienced in EVERYTHING. This feeling being spawned after several meetings at my new job when I left feeling like an idiot because of all the things I didn't know and not knowing that I didn't know what I didn't know.

I'm lucky cause now I can say I have at least one experience under my belt.

But it's over.

And I'm sad.

Time to take what I've gleaned from the friends and mentors who gave so much, and move on to the next experience.

Just to be inexperienced in the next experience. Ugghh.

I guess we never stop learning something new. And I guess I'm thankful for that. I don't have to know everything and know it right away. I can not know. And I can not know that I don't know. That's the advantage I have as the inexperienced one.

And maybe if I wasn't so neurotic it might be fun to not know, not be so painful instead.

I'm neurotic though and I'll be taking that neuroticism right into my next experience.

So for right now, I'll just relish in the one experience I have under my belt, and say with gratitude.....

Goodbye PSCC! I'll hold you in my heart. I'll miss you.