Cesar's Way

So after 8 weeks of being on the waiting list at the library, Russ and I finally have our hands on Cesar Milan's (from the Dog Whisperer) new book. We had high hopes for this book and what it could do for us, that good ol' Cesar could somehow help us with our doggie parenting skills.

I think Cesar's gonna have to move in.

Right now, as I write this, I hear Rocky getting into something. I leave the room for a second, and he just can't help himself. He has to eat something or chew something or break something or pee on something. Hold on, while I check it out.....

Lotion. Chewing the container of lotion I had on my dresser. Ughghghgh!

So here's the problem. Cesar recommends projecting a certain kind of energy. Energy that tells the dogs we are in charge. That we are their pack leader. Apparently Russ and I don't have a single bit of this energy in any bone of our body. Because Rocky and Isabel are definitely in charge, and they have no intention of stepping down from their reign.

Couldn't Cesar just give us the magic words? No, of course not. We must emit "Calm, assertive" energy. Yeah right! More like "Escalating Aggressive" energy. Rocky and Isabel know us too well. They know just how to push our buttons. Like jumping on the bed fifty times, knowing by the fifty-first time we will give up and just let them stay on it. They know exactly what face to give us to make us feel like we are being evil not to let them do what they want. And when we lose it and yell at the top of our lungs, they just look at us like sassy little teenagers, and I know they are saying to me sarcastically, "Um, like I care."

Cesar says the problem is we think their human and treat them like their human. He's so right. I have literally asked Russ on numerous occasions, "Do you think they are mad at us?" Um, does this sound like a woman in charge? I'm definitely toast. They've got me wrapped around their dirty little, treat-covered, cutsie-pootsie paws.

I haven't quite got all the way through Cesar's book, and I am still holding out for a magical cure.

Lord help us when we graduate to children.