Most everyone in my life knows that my husband Russ is the most laid back, chill, patient, and enduring person you will ever meet. He rarely gets angry--well, at least rarely expresses his anger. He's not easily provoked or quick-tempered. Nope, he's none of those things.

I'm the one in our partnership that loses it pretty easily, and I have done some really dumb, asenine things out of anger.

Like the time I tore a loaf of bread into pieces. Or the time I slammed a door open so hard the knob put a hole in our wall. I know I probably sound a bit off my rocker or even a bit dangerous, and I am probably not smart to admit these things so openly, but I bet each and every reader can recall a moment in their life when anger led them to do something moronic. For me, it just happens a bit more often. I'm a red-head remember??

For Russ it is a very rare occurence.
Yesterday, there was an occurence.

So I have permission to blog about this and it alls goes back to the fact that we have a crappy car. We're driving around a beat-up Oldsmobile Cutless which is by now worth about $1000, and we still have two more years to pay on it. So sad.

Well, the other day I was driving along when the rearview mirror flew off. Luckily it didn't wound anyone, but I couldn't retrieve it unfortunately.

So Russ being the good husband he is, went to Pep Boys to order a new one. Yesterday he went to pick it up. And him being male, he decided not to ask for help, left, and pulled over somewhere to try to put the mirror on. This is when he realized he had gotten the wrong thing. For some reason, all the things Russ has ever been angry at his whole life rose to the surface of his being, and spewed out onto this rearview mirror and the fact that he didn't have the right one. He lost all reason, and smashed the mirror in his hands. He badly cut his right thumb.

Now before you judge, please recall the time you did something asenine out of anger. Russ immediately realized he had done about the stupiest thing he has ever done. He ran into the McDonalds where he was parked, bled all over their floor, drove all the way home, came into the house sweating, pale, and bleeding. He looked at me and said, "I did something really stupid, and I think I need to go the hospital." Russ had been severely frightened by all the blood that gushed out, but after examining the gash we decided to save the $50 that we pay at the Urgent Care, and hope it would heal on its own.

I have to say, part of me was slightly amused that I now was not the only one in our marriage to do dumb things when angry. Russ has now joined the crazy angry people club that I have been a part of for so long. I also have to admit that one of the first things I wondered was how long I would have to go without a back rub. Selfish, I know.

In my empathy for Russ, I cleaned up the bloody mess and glass in the car. When I took the car to the cleaning area of our apt. I laughed inside at how I must have looked like I was cleaning up a murder. Too many CSI episodes.

And today the thumb is still throbbing and he can't even button his own shirt, and he is really regretting that five seconds of ridiculousness.

All this goes to show you, that even the best of us are sometimes teetering on the edge of insanity. Maybe Paul's thorn in the flesh was an impulsive temper. Who knows. I do know it's only by the grace of God that we get through the day. And He is the rock we stand on when life's out of control or we're out of control. We must anchor ourselves to the Rock who knows what it is like to be angry, but never tore a loaf a bread or cut his thumb. He expressed anger perfectly and righteously, and will help us do the same.

Cesar's Way

So after 8 weeks of being on the waiting list at the library, Russ and I finally have our hands on Cesar Milan's (from the Dog Whisperer) new book. We had high hopes for this book and what it could do for us, that good ol' Cesar could somehow help us with our doggie parenting skills.

I think Cesar's gonna have to move in.

Right now, as I write this, I hear Rocky getting into something. I leave the room for a second, and he just can't help himself. He has to eat something or chew something or break something or pee on something. Hold on, while I check it out.....

Lotion. Chewing the container of lotion I had on my dresser. Ughghghgh!

So here's the problem. Cesar recommends projecting a certain kind of energy. Energy that tells the dogs we are in charge. That we are their pack leader. Apparently Russ and I don't have a single bit of this energy in any bone of our body. Because Rocky and Isabel are definitely in charge, and they have no intention of stepping down from their reign.

Couldn't Cesar just give us the magic words? No, of course not. We must emit "Calm, assertive" energy. Yeah right! More like "Escalating Aggressive" energy. Rocky and Isabel know us too well. They know just how to push our buttons. Like jumping on the bed fifty times, knowing by the fifty-first time we will give up and just let them stay on it. They know exactly what face to give us to make us feel like we are being evil not to let them do what they want. And when we lose it and yell at the top of our lungs, they just look at us like sassy little teenagers, and I know they are saying to me sarcastically, "Um, like I care."

Cesar says the problem is we think their human and treat them like their human. He's so right. I have literally asked Russ on numerous occasions, "Do you think they are mad at us?" Um, does this sound like a woman in charge? I'm definitely toast. They've got me wrapped around their dirty little, treat-covered, cutsie-pootsie paws.

I haven't quite got all the way through Cesar's book, and I am still holding out for a magical cure.

Lord help us when we graduate to children.

I can't help myself

I have an onery side.

It's the side of me that wants to do innocent little things like eat chocolate cake right after a motivating talk about healthy eating.

Or that wants to poke Russ when he is sleeping.

It's also the bit more harmful side of me that wants to knock self-righteous Christians right off their pedestal.

Or the side of me that hears a very passionate arguement and wants to take the exact opposite stance just for fun.

This side likes to disagree with the person who is theologically pompous.

This side of me likes to shock people. Likes to confuse people.

This side is so contrary.

This side can be effective when channeled appropriately.

This side also gets me in trouble.

What was it that Paul said?

What I want to do, I cannot do. What I don't want to do, I do.

I think he had an onery side too.