My friend Ann posted on her blog recently her frustration with those who suggest that Jesus is a perfectly good substitute for a boyfriend when you are lonely on Valentine's day.

And given the things I have been hearing floating around singles' circles lately, I have to speak against another ridiculous pop-Christianity, totally unbiblical and wack theology on singles and romantic relationships.

It's the "group-dating" philosophy.

I have to admit that I was around some of this nonsense when I was involved in a college campus ministry that shall remain nameless. And it made me mad then. But let me tell you, now that I am married, it makes me even more mad.

So, on behalf of all the single Christian women looking for a decent Christian man, I must say something.

The "group-dating" philosophy has reared its ugly head again. I know a lot of single women because of the work I do with women's ministry. And Russ knows several single men through his life group. You can see where this is headed already, right? Perfectly good single women and perfectly good single men. You think we could just set up a few blind dates, and maybe some relationships could be developed.

But NOOOOOOOOOO! This cannot happen because certain Christian men have the "group-dating" philosophy. What is the "group-dating" philosophy? I am so glad you asked. Group-dating is when you decide to only be around the opposite sex in large group settings. You don't spend time with a woman one-on-one. You don't ask them out. You don't spend time getting to know them on an individual basis. You just sort of keep them at a safe distance. Even double-dates are off limits. How you cross over to marriage, I am still not sure, but I have heard of group-date marriage proposals. And no, I am not kidding.

Okay here are my issues with this....

First, this philosphy is not consistent with biblical manhood. Man as initiator and pursuer.

This philosophy and approach also leads to absolutely no preparation for the communication, the vulnerability, and the intimacy a marriage requires. To be in a good relationship takes practice!

Being able to sit down with a woman and have converstations with her and listen to her and be interested in her as a person are not skills Christian men are developing because they aren't practicing them.

Not to mention that group-dating runs TOTALLY counter to a woman's heart. A woman wants to feel special, wants to be pursued, wants to feel that she is the only one you are after. HELLOOOO! How is constanly interacting in a group making a woman feel special and pursued? It doesn't!

So maybe it's all about sex. Christian men trying to stay pure through never being alone with a woman. Don't get me wrong. I am all for purity. But why is everything about sex for singles? That is so one-dimensional. I am so tired of this narrow-minded approach to single life. How about learning to be in loving relationships? Let's try that one on. I guess this doesn't matter as long as singles are not having sex.

I think the group-dating philosohpy is a convenient excuse. A convenient excuse for fearful men to not have to take risks.

Risk in relationship. Funny, that is what marriage is all about.

Risk in relationship.

We have to prepare singles not just for sex in marriage(which we don't do a good job of anyway because we just tell them not to do it till marriage, but give them nothing on how to do it, but this is for another tirade), but also for relationship.

And that's my tirade. And as my fellow tirader Ann would say....


Peace.

Remember those two little perfect angels, Rocky and Isabel Ward?

Well, one of them is on my naughty list!!

I must preface this by telling you that the extent of my marital intimacy right now is passing Russ by in the house and waving goodbye as he is walking in the door waving hello. We are so busy, and I miss my husband!

So the tension has been building, and after a week of not having time or dinner together, we planned to cook some steaks and spend some time over a meal.

Well, Mr. Naughty Pants(Rocky)got to the steaks. Yes, he ate one. And yes, this was the stupid ass thing that started one of those marital spats that goes on and on, and ridiculously turns into everything else but the fact that the dog ate the steak. Cause we all know it's not about the steak.

Oh, and you will never guess what we ate for dinner: Boca Burgers. Yes, from steak to a veggie burger. Isn't that perfect!!??

So I blame the dog. I acted dumb. Russ acted dumb. But it's the dog's fault. I think I will shirk responsibility for this, cut Russ a deal, and be reminded about the importance of quality time with my hubby.

And so quality time it is on this St. Patty's Day.

Russ and I are off to Boardwalk Billy's to eat wings and drink green beer.

We'll leave the dog at home.

A Good Week and A Crazy Lady

Well it has been a great week despite some ugly drama with our mean neighbor upstairs.

Last Saturday I spent a day with the Lord at a retreat center called Well of Mercy. A beautiful place run by two of the coolest nuns you'll ever meet. Welcoming me with open arms, they provided me a sacred space to be in solitude and silence with the Lord.

I walked the trails, the labryinth, the creek, walking out many prayers, and God was rich with metaphors in his creation and in his word.

The richest metaphors for me came out of Psalm 32 which speaks of a God who is our refuge, deliverer, a God who guards, protects, and enfolds with his faithful love.
The theme for me was safety. The longer I am a woman, and the longer I work with women in ministry, the more I realize that one of the biggest core needs of a woman is safety and security. So much of my sin and junk comes out of a desperate desire to feel safe. God even showed me how I use food to feel safe.

He is my refuge and my safe haven, and realizing this is freedom.

So my little personal retreat was awesome, and then on Monday I saw my first client at my internship!!! This is huge, people. Although I counseled with another counselor, it was still a real live counseling session. And I didn't bomb. In fact, even more than ever, I am sure this is what I want to do. Yipee!

And I have been feeling absolutely awesome physically, because after God dealt with me regarding food on my retreat, I have switched to eating mostly organic foods, and have greatly reduced my sugar intake. People, I am a different person! In case you didn't know, sugar makes you crazy!

Tonight Russ and I had ostrich burgers, with endamame(soy beans), and sweet corn. Talk about healthy! I have so much energy I am bouncing off the walls. And God is strengthening me through all the sugar cravings. Thank you Jesus!

So it's a good thing I had a good week, it's a good thing I was of sound mind, it was a good thing I was filled with the Holy Spirit because I may not have been able to remain calm, I may not have been able to keep my cool, I may not have been able to keep myself from a beat down when the apt. office called us in to tell us our upstairs neighbor has repeatedly complained about our dogs making noise and we were in violation of our lease.

Okay, psycho neighbor wrote a three page paper detailing her complaints about our dogs. She says they cry through the night, and that we sleep through it. She says we repeatedly neglect the needs of our pets, and that we are gone for long hours Okay, I forgot she had a camera in our apt to know when we are sleeping, when we are home, and when we apparently forget to feed our dogs. Puh-lease.

Let me just say these claims are totally unsubstantiated. First of all, our neighbor NEVER leaves the apt., and she said in the letter that she stays in bed all day, and that our dogs are disturbing her lifestyle and that is why she keeps a notebook by her bed to record each bark, whine, cry and time of the offense. She apparently has lost sense of time and now believes 15 seconds is equivalent to 45 min.

The apt. office is pretty much on our side. No one else has ever complained and we have lived her for a year and a half. This lady has lived here for 3 months. They also understand that barking is what dogs do, and that our dogs don't incessantly bark. They are perfect little angels, crate-trained, and my precious babies, okay! . I say if you don't like pets, DON'T MOVE INTO A PET FRIENDLY APARTMENT COMMUNITY!!!!!


Once again, a people-pleasing lesson, because last week Russ and I spent the whole week walking on eggshells, whispering, and keeping our dogs completely quiet, and then on Friday at 11:36am, Isabel cried till 11:37am, and our lovely neighbor called the apt. office. Sometimes, there is NOTHING you can do to make people happy, so why make it your life's aim?

Other lesson: If you are sitting around doing nothing looking for something to complain or be upset about, you will find something!! Case in point: Our neighbor waiting in her bed, for our dogs to let out the slightest murmur.

What's that about loving your neighbor? Don't worry, we prayed at dinner, "Lord, bring salvation to this women, and help her to be nice to us, and forgive her for being so crazy!!"

Hey, it's the best we could muster.

Because He Cares

So yesterday I woke up feeling nauseas (no people, I am NOT pregnant) and tired and yucky and emotional and anxious, and feeling all this and knowing the day I had ahead, I cried over my breakfast. And poor Russ didn't know how to deal with me. So he followed me out to my car, gave me a hug and said sweetly, "I love you and Jesus loves you."

"I love you and Jesus loves you."


A simple phrase spoken. Any other morning I would have laughed it off, or considered it trite. Any other morning it wouldn't have meant much. Just words.

But this morning the words rang in my ears and radiated in my heart, because something about being loved made everything alright.

And I have been meditating on 1 Peter 5:7 lately which reads, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

And for so long I have focused on the first part of this verse "Cast all your anxiety..."

And oh have I been casting. I say "Oh Lord, take my anxiety, I am casting it, I'm casting, Lord! Lord, here, I am casting my anxiety!! Take it. Take it."

And with all this casting you think I would feel better. But I just continue in my worry and stress and fretting.

And for some reason, as I was reading yesterday morning before Russ spoke those words, I realized I was completely missing the most vital part of the verse "....because he cares for you."

Because He cares for me.


When I cast my anxiety on the Lord, it is not the same as letting it go, or tossing it to the wind. It dawned on me that the Lord actually takes the worry up into his hands and deals with it. It goes somewhere. I can cast my anxiety on the Lord because he cares about me, loves me, and cares about the thing I am anxious about.

Whatever it is, it does matter. It matters to him because I matter.


And to me, this is the secret, because I can do all the casting in the world, but if I don't trust God to deal with it, I still sit with it, and won't truly give it over. I was so focused on my role(the casting), I missed God's role. And isn't his the one that really counts?

So God cares, and he loves, and this is everything.

I love you and Jesus loves you.