My friend Ann posted on her blog recently her frustration with those who suggest that Jesus is a perfectly good substitute for a boyfriend when you are lonely on Valentine's day.

And given the things I have been hearing floating around singles' circles lately, I have to speak against another ridiculous pop-Christianity, totally unbiblical and wack theology on singles and romantic relationships.

It's the "group-dating" philosophy.

I have to admit that I was around some of this nonsense when I was involved in a college campus ministry that shall remain nameless. And it made me mad then. But let me tell you, now that I am married, it makes me even more mad.

So, on behalf of all the single Christian women looking for a decent Christian man, I must say something.

The "group-dating" philosophy has reared its ugly head again. I know a lot of single women because of the work I do with women's ministry. And Russ knows several single men through his life group. You can see where this is headed already, right? Perfectly good single women and perfectly good single men. You think we could just set up a few blind dates, and maybe some relationships could be developed.

But NOOOOOOOOOO! This cannot happen because certain Christian men have the "group-dating" philosophy. What is the "group-dating" philosophy? I am so glad you asked. Group-dating is when you decide to only be around the opposite sex in large group settings. You don't spend time with a woman one-on-one. You don't ask them out. You don't spend time getting to know them on an individual basis. You just sort of keep them at a safe distance. Even double-dates are off limits. How you cross over to marriage, I am still not sure, but I have heard of group-date marriage proposals. And no, I am not kidding.

Okay here are my issues with this....

First, this philosphy is not consistent with biblical manhood. Man as initiator and pursuer.

This philosophy and approach also leads to absolutely no preparation for the communication, the vulnerability, and the intimacy a marriage requires. To be in a good relationship takes practice!

Being able to sit down with a woman and have converstations with her and listen to her and be interested in her as a person are not skills Christian men are developing because they aren't practicing them.

Not to mention that group-dating runs TOTALLY counter to a woman's heart. A woman wants to feel special, wants to be pursued, wants to feel that she is the only one you are after. HELLOOOO! How is constanly interacting in a group making a woman feel special and pursued? It doesn't!

So maybe it's all about sex. Christian men trying to stay pure through never being alone with a woman. Don't get me wrong. I am all for purity. But why is everything about sex for singles? That is so one-dimensional. I am so tired of this narrow-minded approach to single life. How about learning to be in loving relationships? Let's try that one on. I guess this doesn't matter as long as singles are not having sex.

I think the group-dating philosohpy is a convenient excuse. A convenient excuse for fearful men to not have to take risks.

Risk in relationship. Funny, that is what marriage is all about.

Risk in relationship.

We have to prepare singles not just for sex in marriage(which we don't do a good job of anyway because we just tell them not to do it till marriage, but give them nothing on how to do it, but this is for another tirade), but also for relationship.

And that's my tirade. And as my fellow tirader Ann would say....


Peace.