Parenting 101

Will and Boston slept over at Nana and Papa's last night and I had second thoughts about my future in parenting. Shannon and Gerald tucked them in snug as bugs after a small meltdown by Will who thought mommy and daddy were staying the night too, but were informed otherwise. He said to Shannon, "You're a stoody!" Stoody is Will's creative version of stupid, and I think I am going to borrow it when I am mad at Russ. Something about the nonsensical words of children. They pack a powerful punch.

So back to snuggling, which is far from what Will and Boston do when they sleep in the same bed. And I should have caught on when Gerald asked, "Will and Boston are sleeping in the same bed? How's that going to work?" Which I didn't understand..they are two small children for crying out loud.

So Russ and I were sleeping in the room next to Will and Boston, and Nana and Papa might as well have been in Thailand for as far as their room is across the house.

And I am sleeping ever so soundly enjoying the spacious bed and dreaming sweetly, when at 5:00AM I am awoken suddenly by screaming children. This is a first. I've been woken by my dogs barking, or crying or vomiting, but real live human children, NEVER. And I am thrown for a loop, and I lay there assuming Nana and Papa will deal with it, and I lay there, and I lay there, while the arguement is escalating until I finally realize that Nana and Papa can't hear a darn thing, and by the time I reach the children it's gotten ugly.

And I ask Will, "What's wrong?" And he replies, "Boston being mean!" How can they be fighting in bed in the middle of the night? And then I think about all the times growing up when I had to sleep with my sister Shannon and how she couldn't keep her legs to herself and I can more easily imagine how this fight got started. Will says, "Boston bited me." To which Boston replies, "I did not bited him. He bited me." And suddenly I am trying to draw on my little experience with my dogs until I realize dogs don't talk and human children are a bit more complicated, and I am exhausted and all I can say is, "Guys, you need to leave each other alone."

And despite my Nanny 911 and Supernanny dedication, not to mention my Theories of Parenting class in undergrad it's all so different in the day to day trenches of childrearing. When the going got tough, I broke the #1 one bed time rule....."Will- you want to come in the bed with Uncle Russ and Aunt Summer." And he nods his head with an irresistable pout face and I pick him up and carry him into our room to sleep with us.

And despite the fact that by morning Will was laying horinzontal in the bed with his legs on Russ's back as a footrest, and despite the fact that both Russ and I were balancing one-half our bodies on the ends of the bed, and despite the numerous restless awakenings and interesting noises coming from this 3-year-old in the wees hours of the morning, there is something beautiful about a sleeping child and coming to their rescue in the middle of the night. And parents don't have to be perfect. And something about this child and how much we love him even when he is onery or mad or a stoody reminds me of God and how he loves us when we wake up screaming, when we pout and even when we keep him up at night. I love this little boy and God loves him and me and I remember the verse, "Come as little children...."

Movin' On Up

Russ and I arrived in Missouri yesterday morning to be picked up by Jana, Jackson, and Campbell. It's good to be home. We've already played four rounds of hand and foot, ate my favorite meal of brisket and mashed potatoes. And the new house is a dream.

Old House: 1 shower
New House: 4 showers(and I am still looking for more)

Old House: 4 wee closets you can barely jam your clothes in
New House: 8 humongo closets you could sleep in or fit your life in...including grandma's china. Teehee.

Old House: a few drops of water trinkling from the showerhead
New House: Steam room

Old House: 1 oven
New House: 2 ovens

Old House: 1 garage
New House: 2 garages

Old House: Sprinkler
New House: Swimming Pool

Old House: bathtub to fit two nephews
New House: whirlpool tub to fit four nephews and nana and papa

Old House: Board game
New House: Pool table

Old House: Lots of love
New House: Lots of love

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Today I am preparing for a trip to St. Joseph, Missouri, my hometown, to visit my family for a week. I am excited because it has been a year since I have been out that way.

However, this trip home will be unlike any other. This trip I will not be visiting my parents in my childhood home. They have moved...and the only house I have ever known(as I haven't obtained one of my own yet) sits empty and silent. I know this is so cheesy, but the song that comes into my head is "If these walls could speak..."

I am overwhelmed with so many memories of my life growing up, of family gatherings, family fights, sleepovers, games in the driveway, of telling playmates, "this is my house, we have to do what I want!", of planting vegetables in daddy's garden, laying out in the sun with my sisters on the back patio, of sneaking out and sneaky parties, of lemonade stands and my thinking spot, of watching MTV when i wasn't allowed, of snuggling with Jana when life got too scary, and thousands of meals around that same kitchen table, of proms and Pom-Pon intiations, of screams and tears, of smiles and laughter.

Here's to you Stonecrest Drive. You'll always have a place in my heart, because you where the home that held my heart. And here's to transition and a new home and new memories and new places to settle my heart.

Fear-of-the-Lord

In preparing for a class, I have been reading about Christian spirituality, and Eugene Peterson, in his book Christ Plays In Ten Thousand Places, writes that fear-of-the-Lord is the best term to describe our part, or role, or way of getting in on what God is doing, in the Christian Life. His description of fear-of-the-Lord spoke to me in a deep way. He writes that fear-of-the-Lord:

"is not studying about God but living in reverence before God. We don't so much lack knowledge, we lack reverence. Fear -of-the-Lord is not a technique for acquiring spiritual know-how but a willed not-knowing. It is not so much know-how we lack; we lack a simple being-there. Fear-of-the-Lord, nurtured in worship and prayer, silence and quiet, love and sacrifice, turns everything we do into a life of "breathing God."

Oh how I wonder how much time I have spent defining God rather than breathing God. I have known for quite some time that I live in my head. Part of my personality is a tendency toward analysis and logic. I like to know the why of things, and I like explanations. I love lists of dos and don'ts, a step-by-step instruction manual on the Christian life would be so sweet to my wanting-to-do-it-right mindset. Give me the techniques and I will execute, give me the knowledge and I will try to wrap my brain around it.

But God has shown me that in staying so heady, I've missed my heart. There is something intuitive about life in the Spirit. A quieting of the mind before the presence of God in fear-of-the-Lord.

So this Christmas, as I sing the carols at church and consider Christ's birth, I embrace the mystery, I enter into it and resist the obsession with explaining it and applying it. I try to let God be God in his glory without trying to move him onto my agenda. I let him penetrate my heart in a deep way as I surrender my soul to his hand and experience "breathing God."

Hosanna in the highest. Glory to my King.

Man Vs. Nature

Well, my husband Russ isn't running around the apartment beating his chest and letting out primal roars, but he is completely enthralled with King Kong, the newest version which we saw the other day. He told me he thought it was the best movie he has ever seen. What???? I told him that was ridiculous. How could THAT be his favorite movie. To which he responded that I had hurt his feelings and disrespected him. What??? I am thinking to myself, "It's just a movie!!"

Russ explained that there was something about the strength, the bigness of Kong that resonates with him. How Kong captures and fights for someone he loves, although Russ tells me it isn't really love in a romance or sexual way that Kong feels for Ann Darrow, it is something more deep and instinctual. And although I am never one to perpetuate the mythical helpless female, there is something about Kong's pursuit and protection of Ann that resonates with my feminine heart. Russ and I talked about how he would like to be Kong for me. How sweet. Okay baby, King Kong can be your favorite movie.

So, Russ is now in a full-fledged journey of exploration into the man vs. nature theme in film. Last night we watched Grizzly Man, a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, who lived among grizzly bears in the Alaskan wilderness for 13 summers, and was eventually eaten by a bear. He thought he WAS a bear. Russ, let's not take this man vs. nature too far, pllllleasssse?

The Ward Family

This was an attempt to come up with a picture for a Christmas card. Me being the perfectionist I am, I was not satisfied with this image or any of the other ones for that matter. We ended up not sending Christmas cards due to procrastination and lack of sufficient funds. Anyhoo--this is the Ward family--Russ, Summer, Isabel(the little one), and Rocky(the dopey one).

Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday, friends and family, even though you're not getting a card from us!

Hello World

So I am a little behind the times, but I just discovered this blog thing, and I am totally excited(but nervous) to share my heart with whoever will listen. I was inspired by my friend Annie P.'s blog. She's so cool. Her blog is real and interesting and she writes well and maybe I just want to be like her. No really, this is scary, yet exciting to me because I've always cared too much what everyone thinks about me, and I have decided this blog thing is an excercise in courage. I am 28 years old and I have always kept myself half hidden for fear of rejection. Well hello world, I am tired of hiding. Here I am, real and uncensored. May I show you myself, and in the process, connect with God and other human creatures like me.